at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
