Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
