he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
