I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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