im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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