As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
