you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
