I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
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I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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