it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
