Ambien. No doubt about it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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