Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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