Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
