We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
