Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
