Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
