He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
