so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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