If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
