Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize