My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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