I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
