9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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