We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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