holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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