Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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