you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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