You made me cry and you don't even care
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
