i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
