I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
