i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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