Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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