When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
