I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
