I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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