So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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