im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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