Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
