Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
