I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
