Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
