My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
