mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
