do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
