There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
