yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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