All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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