You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
