My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
