you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
