Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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