Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
