It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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