What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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