you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
