i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
