I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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