THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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