A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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