420 ftw
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
