My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize