overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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