i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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